Its been too long, I feel like lost in this world. With no one who could see me, no one who cares, nobodys trying to help me out of the pain I feel.. I was gloomy, too much irritated.. Until someday I found myself thinking.. Only me (myself) that could make me feel happy, coz only me who knows what I want, and I just wanna make it by my own. I was so damned idealist, egocentric, skeptical, and sort of irrational sometimes. But I thought it was the only thing I could do, to make me stronger and survive in my fuckin life.
One day someone has come to my world. I didnt know him at all, and I didnt know why people were keep on trying to influence me with their fuss, but I tried to ignore them, coz I wanted to know the real him by myself. So, I tried to see him, getting closer to know whats on his mind, his heart, and his soul, then I convinced myself that hes the one ..yeah the right one for me. We had been fallen apart and we made the promises in our heart. I thank god for giving me the colors in my life.. Erased all the blues.. and successfully made my days so different! By giving him into my life. And I must confess, that I love him so but love will always never be enough for us we really need progress and more time to make it all complete..But everything wasnt going on smoothly and thought we were getting out of the line.
Im sorry I was such a loser, maybe Id been giving up too soon But what am I supposed to say? Its really hard to make a deal between my heart and reality.The world doesnt belong to me.. and Im hoping too much from this world. I knew that weve been so far apart.. And Iknew that hes fine there without me,without thinking of me, without me on his side. But I dont know why he never sinks from my mind. He keeps hounding me in my thoughts Never.. I never could erase him from my mind Once, Ive tried.. But it was just useless Ive been trying to run.. Running from my illusion.. trying to face the reality, but stillits too hard for me.. Im weak, too weak for this. But suddenly he came along . unpredictably.
I didnt know what it is..... Is it a miracle? surprise? I dont understand..! And he wanted me back.. and I wasnt totally sure about that.. Was he drowning in his unawareness? Or was he telling me the truth? Its too vague.. Im trying to make it clearer, trying to figure out whats inside his mind.. Does he really want me back? Or is it just an easy-come-easy-go-crazy-decision? Well....... I want to know!!! I must figure it out! But is it too late? Did I lose my chance? He might have changed his mind.. He might have forgot what he was saying.
Well.............. then I decided to step backward. Maybe its no use for me to moan over things that is done, and hoping over things that will never be a reality.At last.......... I just wanna thank him for everything..like the beautiful, and splendid.. moments weve shared.. the jazzy nights.. the coolest tie-break row huh!...... and also the bittttter part of our love story
I hope after Im telling him what Im feeling,, I could go on my own way.. and he goes on his way too..like he always do. Finally, Its really..really...greaaaaat to know him by my own point of view!
